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Cool Liga, Bro.

29 Aug

While some decry the current disequilibrium in La Liga by comparing the Spanish competition to that of the two-cart affair that goes down every year in Scotland, the merengue-loving shills over at Marca seem to have embraced this development. After an opening week in which the margin of victory in every game not involving a team with all the TV money was exactly 1 goal, Marca exuberantly gushes “What a league awaits us!!!” because Barca and RM beat their opponents by a combined score of 11-0.

 

What a league indeed–can’t wait for it to be down to two teams in early October.

“-Mou-“

31 Jul

Is it a suffix? Is it a prefix? These are the life-changing questions that continue to pester Eduardo Inda Óscar Campillo and the Marca staff. They’ve stretched the limits with OrgasMou covers before. We’ve shed tears over their deplorable feats of pronunciation engineering with the Mounager cover. In fact, here at No, Srslr we’ve mocked this brand of Mousterbation with the intense loathing the Special One would only reserve for UEFA appeal hearings.

But Marca have gone to new lengths this morning in their suffix/prefix Mounipulation of Sr. Entrenador’s name, this time splicing into El Gato’s once reviled family name to declare, once and for all (until he hits a dry spell and suddenly isn’t worth €41mil), that Karim Benzema is the Mouster’s preferred striker option. “BenzeMou,” blushes the front page, knowing full well that three months from now it will read “BenzeBoo,” but such is life at the hands of the pun masters at Mouca.

At some point you just have to stand up and applaud: no publication could be more vapid.

Marca, Mou Mouly Mou Mouet Mourself Moupart.

“Madrid is the favorite because they have more stars”

4 Apr

Look, this isn’t Juande’s first interview with Marca. He knows what they want to hear, and he knows how unlikely it is that they’ll wonder if he’s being ironic, even if his most quotable soundbite is a near-perfect distillation of Madrid’s failed philosophy from the last decade. You can imagine Inda smiling to himself, pleased that a former coach still sees the obvious truth in the Madrid system.

They’d Probably All Miss

1 Apr

When the Spanish League (LFP) called a ‘postponement’ on this weekend’s round of games – shoving the back end of la Primera’s timetable into June in the process – it seems that those behind this batty scheme aimed at forcing the government into making every game pay-per-view failed to consider three basic questions: Do the fans support the move? Do all the clubs in the league support the move? Is it legal?

Tim Stannard of La Liga Loca with a spot-on skewing of LFP and their poorly-planned, possibly not entirely thought-out, and ultimately failed attempt at a collective action.

 

Can’t wait to see this band of powerful morons try to negotiate a TV contract together.

The Figurative, Literal

3 Nov

ah, marca. you either make it too easy or impossibly hard. so much fawning over CR7’s underwear ads, or the underwear ads of his supermodel girlfriend, so much masturbatory oo-ing and ah-ing over mou’s “conquests” (their words) of teams and titles…there’s no limit to the material you create with your mash notes. well what am i going to do with all my jokes about marca swooning over mou like he’s a wanly longed-for lover now?

BEATEN TO THE PUNCHLINE.

do i contradict myself? i contain multitudes (the song of cristiano)

28 Oct

egoista: noun. egotistical, selfish.

“i do not care what other people say about me. i am not egoista.”

let me prove to you how not self-centered i am by saying how little i care about the opinions of others!

Wanna get away?

17 Sep